I also write this as someone who has been very ill with regards to my bipolar 1 diagnosis, my PTSD (in fact, this may have been the most prevalent issue in terms of my dating life), a lot of anxiety, and substance use disorder, and ill at the same time as trying to date/continue serious relationships. I have decided on these attributes of love and determined what is not synonymous with it through examining the wealth of experiences I had, as someone who has been both deeply codependent and commitment-phobic.
I considered everything I wrote very carefully, because I believe that knowing the reality of healthy love accurately is vital to a happy life, and I would not want to give false ideas to any reader who might be in a place of uncertainty with this topic. So, after years of toxicity in my relationships (much of which was as a result of me, a symptom of dynamics that simply weren’t built to function, and some of which came from the people I chose to be with or, at times, seemed to find myself committing to somewhat unwillingly) I have a long, written list in my journal of every quality that defines a relationship built on love and that does not. While I intend to discuss both what I believe love to be and what it is not, this post is meant to be very positive, and I will explain in what sense later on. And through what I will share I have learned, I know that now that since I do not think I was in love then anymore, for the reasons I was not my partners weren’t truly in love with me either. They all taught me things, gave me some happy memories, and some of them helped me get through incredibly difficult times. This post is not meant to dismiss every relationship I have had, or any of them really. And I was under the impression that I had been ‘in love’ many times. Throughout highschool and university, and until very recently, actually, I was in a slew of deeply unhealthy relationships. Happy Saturday/weekend! Today I’m going to write about something it has taken me a very long time to be sure enough about to post publicly.
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